Hate loss - Taking Care of Myself

Why did I decide it was time to lose weight? I hated the way I looked and felt. It got to the point that I was no longer fitting into my clothes. And I simply don't have the disposable income to go buy new clothes because I got fat. I have so many items, shirts and pants, that I can't wear because of my weight. I prefer to wear my baggier shirts so that my stomach is not as noticeable. I have to wear my shirts un-tucked. And worst of all, I've had to wear my pants with the button undone. It is a horrible feeling realizing that you can't fit into your clothes. That you no longer look good in them. I was/am tired of feeling like that.

I've become much more self-conscious of my appearance because of my weight. I recently spent a lot of time going to job interviews. And I wondered what kind of impression my weight made. I'm certain my ill-fitting suits only accentuated my weight. Ever noticed how our bodies compact when we sit down? I'm well aware that my fat becomes more evident every time I sit down. When I am at work, I can feel my gut pressing against my desk. The worst is when someone is trying to squeeze past a tight area behind you, and you can't get any closer to the table because of your stomach.

I've found I've lost a lot of the confidence I once had. I no longer am comfortable flirting with girls because of my appearance. I have some good personality traits. I'm a funny guy. And that's how I want to be known. As the funny guy, not the funny fat guy. In some ways I've become a walking cliche. Lacking confidence has a negative impact on self-esteem. This has lead to me sheltering myself more. I've left my home a lot less than I used to. And being at home, I've gotten more inactive and eaten more. And that only added to the problem and then it became a vicious cycle. And the time came to break that cycle.

I hate who I am. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I am consumed by this hate. And now is the time for hate loss.I even toyed around with that as the title for my blog, but someone is using something similar already. Through weight loss, I can achieve hate loss. I can start to feel better about myself. I can look better. I can like who I am again. And I'll be healthier. I wish I could say the health aspects are a larger part of why I am doing this, but they aren't. It's really more about looking better and thus feeling better. The health ramifications are important as I get older. And I do want to be one of those healthy old people. But as a single guy, I want to get my looks back. And then find that special someone. And I don't want to be with someone that would take someone that looks like me. They should want someone that takes care of themselves. And I need to take care of myself. And that is what I am doing now, taking care of myself.